Andrew William Hannibal

Vincent Paul- 39 w 0 d, water broke
Kathryn Olivia- 39 w 4 d, induced to avoid 4th of July craziness
Andrew William- 40 w 4 d, induced... but only after begging and promising my body could totally handle induction before 41 weeks

In Utah, they are just ready to pop your baby out once you hit 39 weeks. My experience in Michigan was very different. Whenever I mentioned setting up an induction at 39 weeks my OB would deflect and talk about the importance of not letting women go longer than 42 weeks. Ahhhh! With a bit of luck and a lot of asking, I secured an induction at 40.5 weeks. This was my longest pregnancy by a week, but it felt like an eternity! Whether it was the hot Summer or the exhaustion from chasing two other kids I was ready to have the baby.

With Kate I went in the morning of my scheduled induction. They cranked up the pitocin, totally supported my choice to get an epidural, wouldn't let me eat or drink anything, immediately bathed and cleaned her following brief skin-to-skin, and let me stay in the birthing suite until I got over the shakes and nausea. Keep that in mind when you see how different my experience was in Michigan.

With Andrew I went in the night before around 9 pm for cervical dilation. It took a long time to track down the needed people and we didn't even start the first round until midnight! The bed was hard and I did not sleep well. Thankfully, I was given the clear to get myself up to pee without help (the IV was cruel to my smashed bladder). We got very little sleep and the ripening agent did little to progress my dilation. Then I was told we had to wait for my OB to talk to me before I got the clear to start pitocin.

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. The clock was ticking and nothing was happening. I had been prepping the kids and told them they would meet Andrew on the 15th. With the slow start I was concerned that he wouldn't be delivered early enough for them to visit before bedtime (these were my worries at 8 in the morning! geeze!).

We got the green light and started the pitocin... at the slowest rate ever! I didn't realize there were 2 methods for using pitocin. In Utah they used a high dose to really get things going and would turn it up every 30 minutes. In Michigan, they started with hardly anything and took decades to increase the dose. I wasn't aware that a low dose could be just as effective so I became increasingly anxious about the timeline for the day.

My nurse was a hoot. She was a good mix of quirky and nice. She didn't hide the fact that she was more into natural births and whenever I brought up an epidural she would give me different options: bouncing on a ball, walking around the room, leaning on top of a ball (awkward!), applying pressure to my back, etc. When she went on her lunch break Paul spoke up and said now was the time to get an epidural before she could "push me" into another method of coping/relief. I cannot tell you have thankful I am that Paul advocated for me. Often the doulas and support are given the spotlight for natural births, but in this case he saw that what I needed was pain relief and rest, not another go on the ball. The epidural was a breeze and I was instantly much happier.

Holy cow, I almost forgot to mention that they let me drink sprite and eat jell-o! During my first two labors I was so weak by the end and I attributed it to being NPO the entire time. I took it easy and only had sips of pop and one jell-o, but it made all the difference! Another difference was not having a foley catheter once receiving my epidural. I thought that was totally weird and was worried that my bladder might explode or something but (spoiler alert) I was just fine.

I'd been there since the night before and I was almost dilated to 5 cm. With the epidural going my doc stopped in and broke my water to speed things along. You guys, I am glad I got my epidural first because within minutes of breaking my water, I felt so much pressure! I hesitantly asked my nurse if something was going on because I already felt like I needed to push. I felt so stupid because just minutes before I was hardly dilated.

Lo and behold, I was a 10 and the baby was coming! It was like less than 30 minutes that I went from a 5 to a 10! All of the sudden things got real and I could hardly believe that after all of the waiting, it was time. My nurse did a practice push with me and instantly told me to stop because the baby was almost there. She asked if I wanted a mirror. That was something I didn't want to see so I declined. Remember how I told you she was quirky? She rolled the mirror over and said, "I'll leave it here just in case you change your mind and want to look." Haha! That lady just cracks me up. She was so certain she knew what would give me the best experience and she wouldn't take no for an answer. Had it been something like totally denying me an epidural I'd be ticked, but since it was just odd things it provided a good laugh.

The room filled and it was time to meet my sweet baby. Since there was meconium in my amniotic fluid we had extra staff on hand prepared to take care of any potential respiratory issues when the baby was delivered. The delivery went incredibly fast and before I knew it Andrew was laying on my chest and all I could do was say, "I love him. I already love him. I love him so much." With his birth brought all of the precious memories of my two previous babies. I could already feel how much I was going to grow to love him over the years.

Andrew William Hannibal was born at 4:38 pm on September 15, 2016 weighing 7 lbs 7 oz and "measuring" 19 inches long (insert quirky nurse while measuring the baby, "what!? He can't only be 18 inches... I'm going to say he's 19 inches")

I was expecting Andrew to receive a bath but in Michigan they don't give the baby a real bath because it increases the chance of taking home "extra" bacteria from the hospital. So he was gently wiped down with a towel, Paul put on Andrew's first diaper, then he was wrapped up and returned to me. I was given time to nurse him and bond through skin-to-skin while the doc taught some youngin' how to sew me up. 

The kids were able to make it in time to visit but the circumstances were less than ideal. My nurse didn't have anyone coming to replace her so I felt rushed to make it up to my recovery room. Meanwhile, my post delivery nausea was in full force and because of that wonderful jell-o and sprite, there was actually something to hurl this time around. So with my mom and kids in the room, I sat there puking while trying to show them how excited they should be about the new baby.

They moved me upstairs and I let my family stay for a little longer before my head hurt so bad and my stomach was churning so violently that I asked them to let me rest. With the lights off and the baby by my side I began to recoop and recover from the terrible awfulness I feel after every delivery.

I loved the different emphasis they had on breastfeeding. It wasn't about how long you nursed the baby, it was about how many times they would suck and swallow. This made me feel more relaxed about the process. I didn't have to stare at the clock and freak out because the baby fell asleep again. There were no repeated pokes to check his blood sugar and no pressure to supplement with formula. It was so nice! But do you remember how there was meconium in my amniotic fluid? To ensure he didn't get any stuck in his lungs they suctioned him vigorously after he was born. This created an aversion to anything in his mouth afterward and he didn't really want to nurse because of it. I was blessed with the best lactation consultant who gave me the confidence I needed in such an emotional time. It took some practice but within a few days we worked through it and overcame the trauma from all of the suctioning he went through.

Since this wasn't my first time at the rodeo and everything went relatively well during my delivery, I was itching to leave the hospital. Andrew cried the entire drive but stopped the moment we got him out of the car seat. The kids were thrilled to have him home and constantly wanted to hold him. My Dad even surprised us with a visit (on his birthday, no less) to see Andrew and spend time with us. It meant a lot to me that he would travel on his birthday and be away from his own home so he could be with us at such a special time. I also can't imagine how rough the transition would have been without my mom there to help us survive. Thank goodness for family!

Here's the play by play that Paul recorded for me:

2100: Arrive and register at the hospital, change into gown, blood draws, IV in
Waiting for doctors...(for 3 hours!)
0000: 1.5 cm dilated, 70% effaced, -1 station. Start Cytotec.
0400: 2 cm dilated, 70% effaced, 0 station, cervix in middle (no longer posterior, not yet anterior), 2nd dose of cytotec
0530: Experiencing some contractions now, got maybe 2 hours of sleep that night
0830: After waiting to hear from the doc we started Pitocin at 1ml/hr
0930: Pitocin @ 2 ml/hr
0945: Bounced on birthing ball for 20 minutes
1015: Pitocin @ 4ml/hr
1050: 3 cm dilated, 70% effaced, -1 station (she took away my 0 station!)
1105: Pitocin @ 6 ml/hr
1315: 3.5 cm dilated 70% effaced, -1 station. Feeling discouraged about lack of substantial progress
1325: Contractions are getting more painful. Tried laying on ball on hands & knees with Paul putting pressure on back
1355: Libby: "I don't think this is a good idea."
          Paul: "...Having a baby?"
          Libby: "Yeah" *quickly nods head with concerned face*
1415: Anesthesiologist in for epidural
1430: Epidural in and working! Relaxing while we wait for Dr. Rhone to visit

1530: 5 cm dilated, 70% effaced, -1 station. Dr Rhone breaks water
1545: Begins feeling pressure, asks nurse to check but hold off to reduce introduction of bacteria
1609: Feeling urge to push but resisting it, check by nurse- Completely dilated & effaced, baby descending
1620: Room set up, practice push, mirror incident
1636: Head delivered after one push. Cord around baby's neck (like Vincent)
1638: Baby born! Dad cuts the cord, skin to skin with mom, then Dad puts on first diaper

Do you see that?! Just over an hour from 5 cm dilated to delivery!

"She is the comfort in the chaos"

As a lover of large families, I enjoy reading positive articles about having more kids. It's hard to explain why I want more kids than most, but this blogger was able to express why having more is a good thing. It seems counter intuitive that adding a baby in the midst of the difficult art of raising a toddler brings more peace than stress. This paragraph is the perfect summation of my feelings:

"And so, in these past two weeks, as I treasure every second, one verse keeps coming to my mind: “Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah.  So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death” (Gen 24: 67).  Is it busy and hectic and messy having three children?  Of course it is!  Have I gone to bed at 8pm every night this week?  Yes I have!  But this time around, the baby isn’t the exhausting, overwhelming part.  In the midst of all the scheduling, and carpooling, and cleaning, the baby is my Rebekah.  She is the comfort in the chaos."

Read the rest of the blog post here.

Embrace the Change

I feel like I'm constantly being told about going with the flow, welcoming change and going on new adventures. The picture I've drawn to visualize the concept of "change" is a beautiful one. It's full of possibilities and new beginnings.

So tell me then, why is it hard to accept the changing of our bodies? This 5' 4" frame has carried and born two precious souls into the world. It is stretched, saggy and becoming more gray and wrinkled with each passing day.

I faced a daily struggle with the scale as I tried to recover from my first pregnancy. I hardly took notice of the positive non-scale victories I was making. As I dressed for the day I would try to squeeze my now larger hips into my former self's jeans. Getting ready was dreadful.

While the struggle is still real after my second baby, I've come to accept and appreciate the vessel I've been given to live in while on this Earth. It is easy to hate and despise, and somehow, I've grown comfortable in my stretched out skin. I put away those too tight jeans and embraced the world of yoga pants. I've invested in clothing that fits my changing body so I can feel both comfortable and stylish. Perhaps it will take an entire year before I pull my skinny clothes back out, but while I'm on my journey to that place, I'm going to love my body every step of the way.

Happy Day.

Happy New Year! But more importantly, happy birthday to my one and only Mama!

(Ruth & Mom)

I will never be able to express how much I love this woman. She has sacrificed much to bring seven children into the world and raise them as a stay at home mom. She is beautiful, selfless, passionate, understanding and helpful. She is and always will be the best example of what a mom should be. Here's to another year!

A Birthday Post

I've recently discovered a mother's birthday dilemma. Birthdays are supposed to be a somewhat special event; a unique day compared to the other 364 days of the year. My attitude toward birthdays has been pretty nonchalant, as my parents kept them quite simple in our family. We would choose where we wanted to go to dinner and we would receive handwritten birthday letters. No presents once we were 12. (What is it with my parents and being 12 years old?)

But I digress. As my birthday neared, Paul questioned me about birthday ideas, gifts, and other fun festivities. I insisted time and time again that I didn't want anything. Finally my 25th birthday rolled around. I woke up to breakfast in bed, which was lovely, but then the day unrolled like any other... because I'm a mother. I did dishes, swept and cleaned up after children, dealt with a daughter that didn't want to nap and had to hold down the homestead.

I found myself disappointed. It was my birthday, for Pete's sake! I didn't want anything, but at the same time I did. I wanted a reprieve. A break from the mundane daily tasks I do each day. But as a mother, there are certain things I won't ever stop doing. (Like laundry, why is there always more laundry??)

And thus we find a mother's birthday dilemma. The desire for a special day while still balancing the responsibilities of everyday life. The easy solution is to grow up and get over it because, let's face it, that's life. But a prettier sounding solution it to accept the ordinary and embrace the little things. It's all in the details. If we don't accept the mundane, we get caught up in life and miss the beauty of the those small, yet significant, moments.

Playing dress up.

Tomorrow is Sunday. Growing up it was a nice day of rest. Go to church, see friends there, be spiritually fed and uplifted, go home, literally be fed, nap and get ready for a new week. It was a rude awakening to go back to church after Vincent was born. Trying to get a baby to sleep in arms for two hours just doesn't happen. A shortened nap means a grumpy baby and a frazzled mom. Round #2 with Kate has been rough as well, but I'm armed with experience and have gotten better at being flexible with naps and nursing on Sundays.

The real clincher, though, is that every Sunday I get to dress up my little babe. I go through the closet and sort through her drawers to find a darling outfit each week. I love that it is perfectly acceptable for baby girl bums to stick out of skirts and dresses. In fact, I think everyone wants to see those squishy legs (and if you don't, there's something wrong with you). But seriously, seeing my girl all dolled up makes Sunday just that much better.

Tomorrow I will be in the thick of it with many other moms who wake their babies from naps, nurse in a crowded room full of stinky diapers, and get back aches from rocking their (not so) little ones to sleep. But Kate will be dressed up, and I will love it.

Play Dates

I love play dates. Love them. It can be hard to coordinate schedules, but it is so worth it. I've had the unique opportunity to get close with two of my classmates as we began working together at Stonehenge of Orem. We began to band together during school because we shared a special bond-- motherhood. All of the pieces fell together as job positions opened up and Jos helped us put our foot in the door. Sadly, and simultaneously happily, Courtney's husband got a job in St. George. Needless to say, I'll miss these fun plays dates. Good thing I'm still surrounded by lots of mommy friends!

"Tiny Human" Things.

I love seeing Tiny Human things scattered around the house. It isn't the toys and blocks that make me giddy though. It's the little polos and jeans, the tiny socks and the baby spoons. Humans are so much cuter when they are tiny. You can only guess how much delight I got from buying a kiddy size toothbrush and toothpaste for Vince. I grin like an idiot each time I walk into the bathroom and see them.

Worth it.

I've never been one who consistently does her hair. Since Vince's arrival I've transformed from someone who rarely does her hair to someone who never does her hair. There were always excuses about having too much on my plate to find time to do my hair. After a while it began to take a toll on my self-confidence. Still, I couldn't convince myself that it was worth it to take the time to style my hair when there was so much other stuff to do.

Recently, I had a breakthrough. Telling myself that "it" wasn't worth it to do my hair was in essence saying that "I" wasn't worth it. Mothers are expected to sacrifice, but there comes a point where you can give too much. I mean, you can't draw water from an empty well. My sister shared with me that she tries to do her hair once a week so she can look nice on Sunday. I decided that this would be perfect. Once a week I would take just an extra bit of time for me. I've already noticed a difference in the way I feel about myself. And guess what I'm starting to believe?

I am worth it.

Our Newest Battle.

I've worked long and hard to ensure that Vince is a good sleeper. In fact, he's a great sleeper. I put him down, wrap a blanket around him, pop the paci in and walk out of the room. He makes a few cute baby noises and is down for the count.

That is, until he realized he could stand up in bed...

What used to take less than 60 seconds now takes roughly 60 minutes! We battle it out. I wrap him up, he rolls over and is standing by the time I'm out the door. He babbles, stomps his baby feet on the squishy mattress and eventually starts to yell.

I began waiting longer and longer before I would go in. I kept telling myself he would plop back down when he was tired and go to sleep. In an effort to keep myself out of the room I took a shower. As I stepped out of the shower my fingers were crossed that he went to sleep. Then I heard a long, loud wail. Still awake and still standing.

We're figuring this out and I'm trying to keep him up longer so that he'll actually want to go to sleep when I put him down. Today was better than yesterday, but who knows what tomorrow holds.

Snow Baby.

As a general rule, I have always hated snow. It's cold, wet, finds a way into your boots and pants, makes driving scary and needs to be shoveled. Some people love it because snow means skiing, snowboarding and all other snow sports, but those things make me feel like I am going to die.

Today, I saw snow in a different light. I saw it in the eyes of my very own snow baby. For the first time I got excited to build snowmen, make snow angels, serve hot soup and warm up my kiddos with hot chocolate. Having kids changes a lot of things, and this is one change I am really looking forward to.

Always look before you go.

I'm making lemonade.

It's easy to sit, complain and do nothing to solve a problem.

. . . . . . . .

It's better to come up with solutions instead of sulking.

We live in a basement.

No air conditioning.

No heat.

(And no dishwasher... but that's beside the point)

It was too hot down here this Summer.

We constantly had fans going.

Sometimes we tried to steal A/C from Grandma by opening the door to the upstairs.

Fall came around and things started to cool off from hot to warm.

Oh, how I have LOVED it! It has been perfect down here.

That is, until today. I was freezing cold today.

It's colder inside than it is outside because the ground that surrounds the basement is cold. Thus, even though the air is warm, our basement stays frigid.

I started complaining in my head, 

wishing for my own home.

Then, I looked at Buddy and said, let's get out of here!

It's moments like these when I get a much needed reminder:

We are never stuck where we are.

We always have a choice.

We just need to act.

My solution was to stop doing homework, go outside, lay a blanket out under the warm sun and enjoy these last few days of perfect weather. 

I felt like I finally allowed myself to escape.

Not just from the cold basement, but from my computer and the TV.

Laying out on the lawn with my Little Buddy was exactly what I needed.

Isn't it interesting how our trials lead us to actions that make us happier than we were before?

Our Father in Heaven always knows what is best for us.

We may not understand why certain trials are placed before us,

but in the end we turn out better for it.

I am aware that my solution for the cold basement is only temporary.

Once the warm days turn cold, I'll come up with new ones...

Like warm blankets, hot chocolate and snuggling.

Isn't life great?

M.I.A.

I apologize for my disappearance during the month of September. 

I promise that Vince still turned 4 months old-- even if I didn't post about it. 

(Don't freak out, I WILL post pictures soon)

We also went on a trip to Hilton Head at the end of August. 

Pictures to come on that as well.

So where have I been?

The hospital.

No, I'm not sick.

(Well, that's sort of a lie)

I have been busy racking up clinical hours at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center.

UVRMC has been good to me.

I'm working on the 6th floor-- aka Med-Surg.

My preceptor is an adorable pregnant lady.

She grants me a lot of freedom, which makes me feel legitimate.

Her baby is due in early December, but her first baby was early.

Thus, I'll be done with clinical in early November.

Can you believe that?!

Basically, in ONE month I'm going to be finished.

I can almost taste the freedom of being done with packed 12-13 hour clinicals.

Now, don't get me wrong--

I love the nursing program.

I love learning and improving my nursing skills.

I love working with loads of different people and helping them recover

...

but I miss my baby all day.

During my pregnancy I would constantly fret about how I was going to be a mom AND be a nurse.

I hated the though of "throwing away" my education.

Oh man, things have drastically changed since Vince came along.

There is nothing more fulfilling than being a Mother.

I come home from those long days and can't wait to scoop up my baby and shower him with all of the kisses and love that were put on hold while I was gone.

As much as I love helping my patients during some of their greatest challenges,

nothing is better than nurturing my son and watching him grow.

I would have loved to quit the program when Vince was born,

but I couldn't justify it.

My life was too blessed and circumstances were too perfect for me to quit.

Paul's job is extremely flexible so he can watch Vince when I'm gone.

My Mom came out for 3 weeks when he was born to get me through Spring term and she is here again for an additional 3 weeks to help me through Fall Semester.

Vince is an angel baby. 

He sleeps well, eats well and is a happy camper.

With all of these blessings and my belief that getting an education is important...

yeah, there is no way I could have quit.

It isn't easy, but it will be worth it.

Although it is possible that I will never work, I will always keep my license up to date.

I no longer view this as throwing away my education.

Instead of caring for patients, I will care for my children.

I will use my skills to patch up scrapped knees.

My empathy to heal broken hearts.

My focus on safety to prevent broken bones.

My priority planning to fit 28 hours of stuff into a 24 hour day.

My disaster preparedness to stay calm in times of trouble.

My leadership skills to uphold decisions and discipline even when my kids talk back.

My teamwork skills to teach them how to implement ideas, solve problems and take turns.

The list goes on and on.

The blessing of a child has increased my understanding of the importance of Mothers.

Life moves at a different pace and my priorities have changed.

As I strive to be a better mom, Vince changes me into a better person.

I had no idea that life would be so different.

At first, it was tough to accept.

Now, I wouldn't have it any other way.

My Ramblings.

-- Dreams are so weird and can feel so real. Let's just say I was glad to wake up this morning and have hair on my head.

-- Speaking of hair, the dreaded "all of your hair falls out after pregnancy" started happening. It took almost 4 months to start...I thought I had dodged the bullet. Looks like I thought wrong. Darn.

-- When Paul and I leave Utah, I am going to miss seeing Ruth, Ben and their sweet families. It has been wonderful having siblings close by during my college years.

-- Last night my fortune cookie said, "If you want something, you must earn it." After I read it I complained and said I didn't want to have to work hard this semester. Later, when I thought about it again, I was ashamed of myself for having an aversion to hard work. Work is what shapes people and allows them to grow and reach their potential. I am determined earn my BS in Nursing instead of using motherhood as a crutch to blame when I'm too cowardly to try.

-- I watched way too much TV this summer. I blamed it on having nothing to do while nursing, but then I didn't turn it off when I was done feeding Vince. Basically, I wasted a lot of time and I regret it. Now I'm trying to leave the TV off when my Little Man is awake.

-- Going back to school seems so have knocked me out of my lazy rut. Slowly, I can feel motivation returning to my body. I'm setting new goals and moving forward.

-- We're in the process of moving Vince to a 4 hour feeding schedule. Holy moly. I LOVE IT. Who knew that dropping one feeding could be such a life changer? I feel like I have time again. Vince stays awake long enough that I can go out and run errands if I need to. Then he sleeps longer so I can be productive and get my schoolwork done before he wakes up.

-- Last night was the first time a thunderstorm scared me. It was loud and I was too drowsy to think straight. But by some miracle, Vince slept through the entire thing. Man, I love that kid.

-- Paul is so giving. This semester is crazy; it's full of 12 hour clinicals, class, random nursing conferences, test, etc. All while trying to manage a baby. I feel selfish, but Paul's work schedule is now revolved around my little world. I am amazed by the love and support he shows me. He watches Vince and goes to work at odd hours and never mumbles a single complaint.

-- There was a spider in Vincent's crib and it freaked me out. Now I'm scared to put him to sleep in his own bed! Stay away from my son, you nasty spiders!!

-- Calorie counting got a lot harder when school started. Uh oh...

-- I really enjoy reading the Ensign and watching past devotionals.

Not so fast, please.

Last night I picked up Vincent and held him while he was sleeping.

Things can get crazy and frustrating during the day, but there is nothing sweeter than a sleeping baby.

I just stared at him and took in all of the little details:

The way his eyelashes curl, the shape of his lips and his tiny fingers.

He has already changed so much in three months.

I cuddled him close and realized that this isn't going to last forever.

First he'll start walking, then he'll leave me for school, serve a mission and find a woman to marry.

It's easy to wish away the time.

But last night I wanted time to stand still.

I am going to miss this special time with my first baby.

I am determined to enjoy each of Vincent's stages more fully.

So Vince, you can grow up... but not so fast, please.

 

One of those days.

Most days of being a mom is great,

but today is one of those days that isn't so great.

It can be tough to take care of a little person who can't communicate any of his needs to you.

Vincent took terrible naps today, ate poorly and he keeps crying.

No fever, teething or constipation.

It doesn't matter if I hold him while he's sleeping and any time I try to feed him he refuses.

I can't even tell you how many times I have prayed for patience today.

I'm just hoping I can make it through the rest of the day...

Here's to a better tomorrow.